Camera Roll Clean-Out: Reflecting on 2021

2021: the year of tumbling headfirst into everything, recouping, then slowing down and keeping only things that, as my girl: Marie Condo, says, "Spark Joy."

I am traversing through my phone gallery and am startled by sheer number of things that I have done, forgotten in the "but-it-happened-last-semester-aka-eons-ago" black hole. My zoom screenshot of our final initiatives project manager meeting sits quietly in my camera roll, perched next to a photo of my ceiling — accidentally taken by my six-year-old brother, wrestling me for my Ipad. A camera roll clean-out and some good ol' personal reflection is long overdue.

Scroll. January to May 2021

Learning That People Make Life Feel Full

Spring of 2021 is the semester when I recognized how hard I can work myself:

- I illustrated a children's storybook about climate change: Avery's Adventures, One Small Step!

- I co-launched Ebb&Flow, an Asian American artist spotlight newsletter

- I accepted the HUCP "Managing Director of External Initiatives" role, even though I was, at the time, not entirely sure of what it meant. Spoiler: it means you do a lot; you manage many large projects at once — though it is definitely made easier by having a few crucial MVPs on your team.

- I inadvertently made connections in venture by asking founders and venture MDs to participate in Innovation Fund events

Even though these accomplishments look wonderful listed out, in actuality, I mostly remember being so busy that I had no time for myself. I was caught in this cycle of locking myself in my room for my morning macroeconomics classes, emails to send out in the afternoons, club zoom meetings in the evenings, schoolwork and family chores on top of all that. Don't get me wrong, I am so proud of all the projects I worked on and am so grateful to have met many different pockets of people through them. I just also realized how essential quality relationships are, and how important taking time to catch up with those few key people and with myself (by writing, journalling, stretching) is to making my life feel full, to re-energizing me.

Keep Scrolling. Summer

First Road Trip with Friends

Another one of the few good things to come out of quarantine was reconnecting with my high school friends. I will always remember our first roadtrip together! It was a few days after my finals had ended and before my internship was about to immediately begin. Tess drove us to the Appalachians where we actually lived in a tiny house (or as we like to call it, "the cute cube"). Stargazing from the rooftop deck, driving into town to a good italian place, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Hey, it's very possible— I got my learner's permit that week too!

Feeling like a New Yorker for the First Time

Summer was so fun! I took advantage of being in a city where lots of Harvard friends were interning as well, and together, we explored a lot of New York that I had never experienced. I started to appreciate the city anew, with a tourist's wonder. Maybe it was the not having access to the best of New York for a year or the fact that I was interning 2 blocks away from Times Square, but I finally felt this sense of agency to go where I want, take the train as far as I want when I want to.

I went to as many art museums as I had been deprived of, outings with my office to my first rooftop deck, my first Mets game, nights out in Saint Marks, beach days, finding new gems in Ktown and Brooklyn, etc.

Scroll further. This Fall

Be the Interesting Person You Want to Meet

A huge emotional goal of mine this semester was to focus on my economics classes, and center my extra time on only activities that both gave me emotional fulfillment and brought me closer to becoming the interesting person I want to be. I think I did a pretty good job.

During Fall 2021, I spent a lot of time on an econ policy memo too! It paid off— whew.

I was an Econ Research Assistant too, which I found was a lot like acrylic painting. When painting, color blocking is not as important as figuring out and directly applying the right shade. In research, coming up with many numbers to fill a page is not important as figuring out the precise metric you care about and working from there.

I also dabbled in Ballroom. We actually covered so many dances this semester- foxtrot, Viennese Waltz, and rumba amongst my favorites. It is one of the activities that makes leaving Harvard for Sweden next semester bittersweet! Some of the most satisfying moments this semester were finally figuring out an angle over-rotation or weight shift needed in a step during office hours! In the spirit of more exercise, I also finally joined AADT (one of milestones for an Asian student at Harvard). We danced to Pretty Savage at the HORIZON showcase, cool because I remember watching dance covers of the song when it first came out.

Relationships

Deliberately scheduling meals with people brought me a lot of joy!

Therapy, Therapy, Therapy!

Perhaps the most fruitful thing I did for myself was go to therapy each week. I made a few mental health breakthroughs this semester. I oftentimes feel like I am speaking the most cohesively in therapy, perhaps because my rapid thoughts and feelings are being validated as worth discussing (though not always worth continuing to fixate on), and this gives me the momentum to keep working through them. A few things I've learned and want to keep utilizing:

- Being in a constant state of re - adjustment and being okay with that.

- Not all thoughts are relevant (especially not the black cloud ones). You don't have to give them any weight; you can assign thoughts as much weight as you'd assign to a fleeting thought about wanting a burger, for example.

- Know what social situations give you energy and which (staying for how long) will make you emotionally exhausted; make sure you have equal exposures to both.

- Taking 1/2 hours to write the things at the top of my mind (both emotional and career oriented) that I want to talk/ journal through.

- Not all 1:1s have to be relationship breakthroughs or prolific conversations; put less weight on them and just enjoy someone's physical company.

- Observing Adult: talking to yourself like a compassionate parent can motivate you to get what you need to done more effectively than fear.

During my last appointment of the semester, my therapist told me she was touched by how much effort I had put in to trying to apply all the coping strategies we had discussed together. I am so grateful for her; semesters of therapy don't always culminate in such visible personal progress.

Appreciating the Beauty of Campus

Knowing that next semester, I will be studying abroad, has given me this urgency to cherish how beautiful Harvard campus is!

Winter Break

Recouping Old Hobbies:

I re-engaged with creative writing again through a writing workshop this fall!

Inspired by this success, I have been slowly re-adopting all of my old crafting hobbies. I have been finishing small paintings, beading jewelry, and am on a hot baking streak! I figure I might not have the supplies I have at home in Sweden, so might as well work on these skills now! I've forgotten how much I love making things with my hands!

A Reduction Mentality

This break, I've been challenging myself and my family to try and get rid of one thing each day for a month.

I recently watched a documentary about the minimalist guys whose stories really resonated with me! Growing up with less means oftentimes, you just take everything that's free that's offered to you, even if you have no need for them. at some point, objects have diminishing marginal utilities! It's hard to appreciate any sentimental object when it's entrenched in so many others. Sometimes, it's the space that gives you more utility, the space to do the activities that give you joy.

This is especially pertinent around the holidays; if we're bringing in new gifts, we should be getting rid of unused, unloved, old ones.

I am working to be more deliberate about the things I keep, the activities I do, and the the ways I motivate myself!

Happy new year!

#selfReflection #Blogging